play pause

So I let her put me in a game, but I was not prepared yet.
A game I planned to play later.
And it seems to me now, like it was the wrong decision.
Because I let her pull me into the game.
Way before I was ready.
Way before I understood the rules.
I let her do this, cause I thought, she may be one of the more precious things to me.
Way before her time, but if I might want to wait till I feel prepared she might not be there anymore.
I decided to let myself flow on her river.
But she set up a dam.
Set me on pause.
And now, I stopped my life, waiting for her to push play again.
This can't be the right way.
It can't be the way the game is meant to be played.

I truly hoped, this could make a change in me.
I truly tried to let her take me, wherever she thinks is the right place, the right way to be.

But as this does not work, I will step back.
Back to the me, that prefered control over anything.
I will make the rules.
I will lead the way.
It'll never lead me where it could.
But it'll be my way.